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Employment Claims Workplace Relations Commission

The Intermeddling Well Intentioned Friend/Partner-Don’t Become a Victim

meddling friend

One of the most annoying, frustrating individuals I frequently encounter is the well meaning, well intentioned supporter/friend/partner/spouse.

He miraculously appears

  1. To know the law inside out
  2. To know all the facts and circumstances of the victim’s unfortunate experience in the workplace.

He, and it’s nearly always a he (sorry lads), insists on answering all the questions I put to the aggrieved, distressed employee who has come to me with a problem arising from the workplace.

He means well, sure, but how he can tell me what happened in the workplace on various dates when he was in a different parish is a source of mystery and puzzlement to me. And when he has never worked as much as 5 minutes in that workplace.

How he can tell me, with such vivid accuracy, what the colleague or rude customer or ignorant manager/supervisor said to the ‘victim’-the employee I am trying to assist and advise-baffles me.

Of course, the truth is he doesn’t know what happened or what was said; all he knows is what he has been told by the lady who has come to me for advice.

So, why not let her speak?

Why not let her tell me what happened?

Why not let her tell me what is on her mind?

Why not let her give me first hand evidence by her direct account rather than his second-hand coloured version of hearsay?

Some lads are just irresistible.

No matter how much you try to ignore them, no matter how much you avoid eye contact for fear of encouraging them, no matter how reasonable you act in putting a few questions to the upset employee it proves to be an exercise in futility. They are incorrigible.

And then when it comes to the law-my goodness-they have Googled and researched to their heart’s content for weeks on end and have finally come across one or two cases that have a passing relationship to their partner’s case.

And they have noted the amount of compensation awarded and cannot see why their partner’s case is not worth at least this much along with a significant premium.

The fact of the matter, however, is that these lads know as much about the law as I know about root canal treatment.

Or treatments for depression.

Or genetics or the value of closely studying yeasts.

The best thing they could do would be to give support-real support-to their partner/friend/spouse. Not to interfere or purport to speak for them or overbear their mind to the point where the victim is sitting there without a voice or an opinion and getting increasingly unsure of what happened that led to the problem in the first instance.

But just let them talk, let them tell their story.

Don’t be one of these lads.

You’re in the way.

Sorry. I know you mean well, and you have your friend’s/partner’s interest at heart.

But you would be better off letting your partner/spouse tell her story in her words.

Because apart altogether from the benefit from a legal perspective it’s also therapeutic for the person you love.

If you are the employee, you need to be aware of this phenomenon and avoid it like the plague. It will hinder, not help, you.

It may involve some ‘tough love’, some honesty.

But sometimes ‘tough love’ is just what we need, and what’s right.